Birth day :: part 2

If this is the first post you're reading, you might want to start with Birth Day :: Part 1.

After a few hours at the birth center, Cassie, another of our midwives, asked if I'd like to get into the tub, which sounded fabulous. The contractions had become very close together and quite strong, and I was starting to feel tired -- and impatient. How long would things keep going like this? I had hoped for an early labor with lots of walking and continuing to do household tasks, but that had not felt like an option at all. At some point, one of the midwives asked if I'd like to go outside and take a walk and I felt like I yelled "No!" It was around this time that I threw my breakfast up into a pan.

Stephanie, our senior midwife, checked my cervix and let me know that I was dilated to 8 centimeters. And though I had been leaking amniotic fluid for some days, she said that my bag of waters was still intact.

The warm water of the tub felt so very nice and I labored in there for...a while. I had seriously entered laborland by this point, so any statements about when things happened and for how long and in what order should be heard with a slight lilt at the end and a shrug of the shoulders. I had begun to vocalize during contractions (I think the sound I made most was "hooooooe") and Eric helped me keep my voice low when it began to rise in pain or desperation. My mom and Eric were on either side of the tub and were constantly rubbing my back and offering encouragement and (lovingly) shoving glasses of water and Recharge and smoothie in my face, out of which I took tiny sips from bendy straws. Cassie would occasionally dunk the doppler under the surface of the water and hold it to my belly and I was reassured by the strong waow-waow-waow-waow of the baby's heartbeat speeding along. I tried to focus on the tiny tiles that spelled out "breathe" (which I felt like I was doing) and "open" (which I did not feel like I was doing) on the floor around the outside of the tub. Eric sometimes told me that I was a prizefighter when he put the straw to my lips.

I moved back to the bed and labored there for a while, mostly on my hands and knees and wondered when I would start to feel a need to push. In the only moment that I remember feeling upset during the labor, I desperately asked Caroline something like, "How do I know how much longer it will be?", hoping that she would say something encouraging like "Soon!" or "Any moment," but she kindly responded with something vague, like, "We can't know how things will go," or "Things will progress in their own time." I know now that she was right, but in the moment I was like, "Come ON!" Someone made sandwiches for my mom and Eric and my mom took a break to eat in the kitchen.

Some time later, I got back into the water and it felt like the contractions were right on top of each other. After each one, I flopped onto my back in the tub, exhausted, eyes closed. My mom had found some barrettes in my purse and used a whole bunch of them to clip my hair back out of my face and I suddenly became irritated by them and demanded that they be taken out. Cassie pressed the doppler to my belly again and the waow-waow sounded slower, but I was in such a different world that I wondered if it was simply that time was slowing down. After that check, though, I thought I saw her go directly to the hallway out of the corner of my eye and I thought that maybe something was wrong, but I wasn't present enough to ask.

I moved back to the bed again and things seemed to get even more intense, which I wouldn't have thought was possible. The time between contractions was very short, but I would lie on my side on the bed and sometimes fall immediately to sleep until the next one would awaken me rudely. Eric left to eat his sandwich, but after only a few minutes, I needed him at my side again, so Stephanie sent for him after I asked, "Where's Eric??" He kindly grabbed a stick of gum on his way back in, but I remember that his breath smelled so strongly of coffee when he whispered something in my ear that it was almost unbearable. Labor does crazy things to your senses.

Stephanie checked my cervix again and said that I still had a lip that wasn't dilating. They checked the heartbeat again with the doppler and Stephanie brought out the oxygen tank and asked Eric to hold the mask to my face. I thought it was because I was getting exhausted and a bit panicked and was breathing too quickly (which I felt that I was), but I learned later that it was because the baby's heart rate had dropped dramatically and my midwives were concerned. Cassie told me that the baby wasn't liking the hands and knees position, so I stayed on my side through a few contractions. Apparently he wasn't coming down.

Suddenly, while I was on my side, my water broke and splashed like an exploding water balloon onto my mom's pants and the floor. I think it even reached the wall across from the bed. That period was a haze of contractions and exhaustion and pain, but then Stephanie said something that pulled me out of the haze. "Mira, we called an ambulance to come and transport you to the hospital, but let's see if you can push your baby out before they get here." I was not aware that anything had become that worrisome, but I was suddenly struck with the realization that something was wrong. There was a moment of fear, but then something shifted in me. I realized that it was up to me. If that baby was going to come out, it was because I was going to push him out. Caroline put a dropper to my mouth and said that she was giving me a homeopathic remedy that would give me confidence for the pushing. Eric told me later that she gave him some, too. I think it was Rescue Remedy and that it really was to help take the edge off the fear.

On the next contraction, with Eric at my head and holding the oxygen mask to my face, the midwives holding my legs, I attempted to push as hard as I could and let out what felt like a screaming roar -- a sound that surprised me. I wasn't even sure if I knew what pushing was supposed to feel like, but I remember that my sister-in-law told me that it was much like going to the bathroom, so I tried to use those muscles. I pushed a few times in that position, then flipped to my hands and knees and pushed for a contraction, then flipped back to my back. I thought I would feel very sharp pain at particular points, but it was an all-over pain and pressure. When Stephanie said that the head was coming down, I was incredulous. On the next push, I roared again and his head came out, and on the next, his little body. I did it! Suddenly, he was on my chest, and I was kissing his little blood-covered head. It was 4:24 p.m. My mom said, "It's a boy!" and I hugged his slippery-little body while they suctioned some fluid out of his mouth and he let out his first little cry. He was perfect. My body was shaking and Eric was right there, telling me he loved me and smiling at our little boy. Our Augustine. Around that time, though I didn't know it, the ambulance arrived and they were sent away because they were no longer needed. Thank God. I don't know how long I pushed, but I think it was only a few minutes.

The midwives checked that Augustine and I were both doing well and they gave me a spoonful of honey and some Recharge to help my body begin to recover. I remember feeling so grateful that I wouldn't be feeling any more contractions! A short time later, Eric cut the umbilical cord and I delivered the placenta and we got to look at it (it's pretty cool!) before they put it in the fridge so it could be dried and put into capsules (more on that later, perhaps).

Our dear midwives cleaned up around us and we got situated at the head of the queen-sized bed, our sweet naked Augustine still on my bare chest, where he stayed for an hour and a half or so.


Eventually, they weighed him (8 pounds, 2 oz. -- a chunker) and measured him (19 1/2 inches) and I got a few stitches. Not the most fun, but certainly worth it. Stephanie said that she was impressed -- that I had pushed harder than any other first-time mom she'd seen.

It was quite an experience. The labor and birth were more intense than I ever expected, and the pain was greater than anything else I've experienced, but it was also so very beautiful and empowering. I pushed that baby out, with the help of the people I love most and some very competent midwives. Even when things got a bit scary, they knew just what to do and I had complete trust in them. I am so grateful that even though things became emergent, I was able to have a natural birth center birth, that my body was able to do what it is able to do. And I felt so loved and cared-for and honored through the process.

Our midwives--Cassie, Caroline and Stephanie:

We stayed for two nights at the birth center and had around-the-clock care from a team of postpartum doulas. They made or ordered delicious food from local restaurants for us (I was SO hungry, especially the next morning), kept our beverage glasses full, helped with breast-feeding, drew me a bath, answered lots of questions and were gentle and kind with us. On the day we left, I even got a massage!

My mom helping Eric put on Augustine's first diaper. It was Eric's first diaper, too! Now he's a pro.

I am sooo happy that my mom was able to be there. I think she is, too. She said that during those most stressful moments of the birth, she sensed the presence of angels in the room and felt that we were all being protected.

Our sweet boy:

The names of other Alma babies born during the weeks before Augustine's arrival:

Ready for his first ride in the car:

And now our Augustine is almost 4 weeks old. We feel so incredibly blessed to have been entrusted with caring for and raising him. He is a gift.