Super vision!

Last week, during a physical required to continue to the next step in the ordination process, I had to do a vision test. You know the one, where you stand on the tape and read the letters under the giant E, then cover one eye and do it again. Unlike the time in elementary school, when I intentionally did poorly on the school vision test so they'd send me to an eye doctor (I really wanted glasses but they wouldn't give me any!), I tried to do amazing. And, well, I like to think that I did, though the medical assistant seemed bored as she said flatly, "20/15."

"What does it mean???" I asked hopefully! I can never remember which number is which.

Again, an uninterested reply: "Oh, it's good."

So I came home and looked it up. Yes! I was right! I am better than normal. Some might even say amazing.

It all reminded me of one of my favorite musings from Jerry Seinfeld's book, SeinLanguage. If you haven't read it, please go directly to your local public library. Shockingly, 10 out of 10 copies are currently available in my county's library system (how can this be???). I laugh out loud every time I read it, and I've read it many times, one of only a few books that I can say that about! I think one of the reasons I find this part so funny is that it comes pretty close to what I remember actually hoping for when I had my elementary hearing test done (I didn't fake it on this one, by the way).

With any kind of physical test, I don't know what it is, I always seem to get competitive. Remember when you were in school and they'd do those hearing tests? And you'd be listening hard, you know?

I wanted to do unbelievable on the hearing test. I wanted them to come over to me after and go, "We think you may have something close to super-hearing. What you heard was a cotton ball touching a piece of felt. We're sending the results to Washington, we'd like you to meet the President."